I ran a 5K trail race yesterday which was fun. I beat my goal so I was fairly happy. I set a goal to beat the 9 year old girl that was running the race and I ended up passing her during mile 2. I learned a lesson from the 20k this spring which is to start in the back of the pack. That way I can set my own pace and have a chance to pass someone rather than be passed. I think I could have done a bit better if it were not for the 5 inches of snow on the ground that one had to fight through to pass. What fun the race was though.

Tear-down parties, wrecking equipment, bonfires, 4wheelers, beer, and padded milking stanchions!

This Saturday I attended my first "tear-down party" with Lindsey. Her parents own a farm out in Hebron, Il. which is just south of Lake Geneva. I just learned this weekend that a "tear-down party" consists of a huge backhoe, an old farmhouse, family and friends, beer, and food. It was a great way to meet some of her family, because there was enough going on that kept the center of attention off of me! A tear-down party consists of demoing a house and drinking beer. It took all day to knock down the house with the backhoe but it got done. Much of the time spent was talking to Lindsey and her cousins and them reminiscing about the good old times in the old farm house. I got to see the padded milking stanchion that Lindsey's dad attached to a bed while I was there(I will let your imagination fill in what that is all about). That guy has got a crazy sense of humor.

Sunday consisted of mass with Matt and the POP meeting. The focus of the meeting was on mercy. Steve showed me pictures of 2 trophy bucks he got on Saturday. He got them both within 30 minutes of each other!!!!! I started working on my project that is due today at least until Dan called and wanted to see if I wanted Pinos. I can't believe he still has to ask. We drove over to Pino's and drank a pitcher while we were waiting for the pizza. We ate pizza with Megan Matt and the couple who is working on Dan's house. I pissed off and started working on my paper again. In fact I just finished it an our ago.

It has been ages since I posted. In fact I have not kept up with reading anyone elses blogs either. Out of site out of mind I guess.

An overview of life since my last post:

School, work, new friends, biking, running, POP...

Too much to talk about in one post. I will try to start blogging again, just a matter of finding the time to do so.

I found a great new place to run a couple weeks ago. I have been upset about the lack of "trail runs" I an do in Rockford. I could drive 20 minutes to get to Rock Cut State park but it seems like such a hassle. I decided to run up the railroad tracks that run along the river next to the Bike path that I usually run on. I think I may be hooked now. I have found that running along the railroad tracks is much like trail running in that most of the time you are looking for good footing. If I am running on the ties I either skip over one(lengthening my stride) or hit each one (increasing stride turn over, by taking choppy steps) which both help you run faster.

Montana here we come. We leave tomarrow at 5am and should be arriving Saturday around the same time. I can't wait. See yall in a week!

Trip planning is coming along for August. I was not able to get out of school for that week, but I am going to make it work. I am hoping to get all of the work for that week done ahead of schedule and bribe someone who will be around to submit the information for me. Any takers? I may even make it worth their while through reimbursement with some sweet coinage.

So far it is Eric July, Chris A., and I as definites. Matt is still trying to decide whether or not he wants to go? My question is why would you not want to go? I have tried to get ahold of Justin Walters and Pete Gaffney from South Bend to see if they can come, but I have not heard from them as of yet. I will most likely contact some guys from the household up in Dinkytown this week or after I get back from Montana.

My dad and I were packing food today for the Montana trip. I think I am becoming a "ounce counter" after reading so much about people's AT thru-hikes. I was trying to stuff all of the gear I would be taking into a 2800 ci pack and it wouldn't fit. My dad stuck me with the whole tent and it takes up most of the room in my pack! On another note I was packing all of the food with him and I have a suspicion that we may be bringing too much food. The beauty of having a big group of people is that you can spread the load between them all, with two guys there is a heck of a lot more to carry. If I was doing the trip myself I would definitely do everything different. I would use a tarp tent (18oz) as opposed to a 2 man tent (6 lbs). I would bring 2 lbs of cheese, 10 bagels, 6 boxes of assorted noodles, a bag of granola, and 1 lb of soy meal. I love the fact that my dad enjoys cooking gourmet in the sticks (as do I), but I think I would stick to one really good dinner (pita pizzas, mmmm) per a week and just regular high calorie light weight food. Just a difference in opinions. Also, I think we must be carrying at least 1 lb of plastic bags as all of the food is separated into individual meals. I guess that is enough of the backpacking banter I am sure I could count the number of people reading this who actually care about backpacking on my right hand that only has 3 fingers. Actually I doubt that many people read this blog, but I will stop with the backpacking anyway.

My grandmother fell a couple weeks ago and hurt her back. She hasn't been doing very well since(because of the pain). It is hard to listen to how bad she is doing because she is one of the toughest ladies I have met. She is also one of the most selfless individuals I met as well. She is always helping other people in the complex she is living in. She walks a couple miles a day too which is where I get the hiking itch from. She has lived an amazing life though. She worked with the dentist who came up with the idea of adding fluoride into the municipal water system and the use of fluoride to prevent tooth decay! This was back in the day when dental assistants didn't need formal training. She never went to college and she has achieved so many awesome things in her life. I am hoping she has many years ahead of her. We are all praying for her full recovery.

School is pretty blah... I don't know how people can do this type of work. It seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel with all of the regulations and all of the problems healthcare faces day to day. I am assuming they can handle it because there is hundreds of colleagues around that share the same plight. Who knows. I just want to finish this degree and move on to the next chapter of my life whatever it might be.

I've read through almost the whole Dune series, and I think I agree with Steve Ambrose's opinion on the it. The first book was awesome, but each one after that gets more and more bizarre. What I can say is that Frank Herbert (the author) has an awesome imagination. There are some very interesting ideas of power and politics and religion and money and dependence on one source of energy that I could write my own book on if I wanted to. One thing that I took from the series is how systems become corrupt no mater what they be. There are too many things too think about and write about and I am sure that they would all come out in some crazy jumble so I won't even touch it. All I can say is give the series a chance if you have the time it is pretty interesting.

Other reading has to do with preparing for a Thru hike and I will not go into that either. I am almost done reading "Ultramarathon man" again. I can't get enough of it. I needed some inspiration for running. I may commit to doing a 50-miler next year, but I have to think about it due to time restrictions that I already have with work, school, and the household.

I just found out that I could get another week off of work in August so I think I am going to try to do either another backpacking trip or a canoe trip to Boundary Waters. I already have one taker for a backpacking trip to Colorado. I have off for August 12-19th, the first time in a few years where I have my birthday off woo hoo! I honestly could do either, I may be more partial to Boundary Waters because of the ludicrous amount of fishing you get to do.

I have been doing some private journaling as of the past few weeks. Nothing special, just things that are on my mind that I do not deem "normal conversational pieces." Most of what I see myself writing about are the issues you and I deal with on a daily basis. I do not think them good conversation due to my lack of knowledge on these subjects. There is nothing I cannot stand more than a person who "speaks with authority" when he really is ignorant. This is true foolishness. I often wonder if this is the reason I perceive myself as a quiet person. I think this post is starting to sound much like my journal though. Just random thoughts, completely unorganized and make only sense to me thus more proof of why I do not tend to speak my mind.

I thought I would put some faces to names.

Chris is the mug on the left. He looks hungry. His Geek Squad t-shirt defines him(I am not saying he is a geek). What I am saying is he is wearing it out of sarcasm because he does do computer repair, but he would never work for those hacks.

This be Matt on the right . He is my other roommate. As you can see from the candles on the birthday pie(he likes pie better than cake) he just recently celebrated his 6th birthday! We originally made a cake, but he refused to blow out the candles so we had to make a pie. After all who likes arguing with 6 year olds. He just started a blog a couple days ago. Check it out. http://bodhijob-sofar.blogspot.com/

There is nothing more sinful than what I found in the fridge a while back. I forgot about this picture(it is a month or two old) it was going to be used as evidence in how much beer we waste. I can tell you that wrapping the top in Saran wrap is not going to keep it fresh.

The only excuse I might take for something like this would be someone cut his self off. This seems to be the work of someone who thought it might be funny though. Beer is nothing to joke about. BEER IS ALWAYS SERIOUS. Seriously.

Stuff going on
We had breakfast with Dave Sklorenko(sorry if I mispelled the last name) on Saturday and had a nice talk. I did my long run for the week after we got back from breakfast. Chris and I went out to Rock Cut to do some trail riding later that day. Then we went to CJ's house and ate dinner with him and the kids.

Sunday we went to mass then the branch meeting. After the meeting Dave and his wife and Stu and Jennifer Ambrose came over and checked out the house. After they left Matt, Chris, and I went over to Dan's house and did a bunch of cleaning. Dan, his parents, and my dad went down to Allendale for the week so we are housesitting for him. We must have filled 3 or 4 trash cans full of trash, beer cans, and pizza boxes!

AT '09

Alcohol stove
I started working on building an alcohol stove last night. Unfortunately I bought the wrong type of alcohol (70% isopropyl) instead of the ethyl alcohol so the two designs I made did not seem to work very well. The problem with using isopropyl alcohol(from what I remember from organic chemistry) is that the kind I was using had 30% water in it (water+fuel=no fire) and isopropyl alcohol is not as volatile as ethyl alcohol. Another note is as the alcohol gets burned off the % of water left behind may increase. I ended up making a Pepsi Can stove weighing ~1/3 of an ounce, and a modified cat food can stove(i dont have a cat so I used a tuna fish can). The pepsi can stove looks like it will work very well I just need to get the right kind of alcohol to test it out.

Tarp tent
This will most likely take a bit longer to make than the stove. I was able to aquire a sewing machine for FREE! I tried to find one at the Salvation Army store down the street, but they didn't have any. Luckily I have a friend at work who just gave me one. The two person tarp tent I am looking at weights 1lb 8oz and includes bug screening. The kit(I have to build it myself) comes with instructions and all of required material and costs ~$50. Depending on how the tarp tent build goes I may try to make some other equiptment (pack, down hat, etc.)

Reading
I have been reading a number of books on how to plan a trip of this sort. I also found an interesting site in which gave me my new favorite quote that is a statement to live by "hike your own hike." I take it as stop worrying about everyone else, unless they are harming others. Let people learn thier own lessons.

I will try to keep updating. It is getting hard with school and the two jobs to keep up with everything.

AT in '09

I started thinking about doing the Appalachian Trail again. My dream would be to do the Appalachian Trail in '09, Pacific Crest Trail in '10, and the Continental Divide Trail in '11. But I have to plan one at a time due to the costs and planning that go into something like this. In case you have never heard of the Appalachian Trail it is a hiking trail that goes from Georgia all the way to Maine which turns out to be ~2100 miles. I am estimating it would take me 6 months to thru-hike the whole trail and less than $5000 to cover the costs of food, replacement equipment, post cards, and the rare motel stay. I will keep updating on this.

I am reading the Dune series right now. I find it interesting all of the different subjects that the author (Frank Herbert) hits on which includes ecology, separation of church and state, government, technology, religion, economy, dependence on oil, etc. What has really struck me is the fact that life gets ever more complicated the further society develops. We create new technology to make life easier, but it only ends up making it more complicated. We work and work and work in order to be able to have the things we want but because we are working so much we cannot enjoy those things. I wonder if we are going to come down to the realization that replacing ourselves with technology for the sake of making life easier we are cheating ourselves out life. I donno, just some random thoughts I took from this book. I thought I would rant a little to keep me awake while I was at work.

Sorry it has been so long since I posted.

Work
I am working for Ambrose Greenhouse now. I worked Monday through Friday last week at both the Greenhouse and Sweeds which turned out to total around 70 hours. I realized how much I love working outside. What I realized about this work is that I enjoy manual labor and I like to do work that when it is finished I can see what actually got accomplished. Dan and I are thinking about starting a lawn care business in order to build some equity for future investments in real estate. Who knows.

School
I just finished another class on Monday. I am thanking God finishing it because it was rough. The teacher was a perfectionist. He knew that all of the students are trying to balance working full time, family life, and school all in one. But he seemed to like the fact that he could overload us and make us sweat with a bunch of work. On multiple occasions I had a few choice words for him, but I rather not argue because that takes effort that I just can't seem to muster.
The teacher for this new class seems to be a cool guy. I am hoping he is not like the one prior. Only time will tell though.

Household
Matt, Chris, Dan, and I had a nice talk with Mike Walker from Dinky town. I think the leadership here is really looking to help us get going. Men's groups got rearranged so all of the guys living in my house and Dan's house can have men's group together. Aaron and Steve are the older guys in the group both bringing an abundance of gifts to us. Steve has a great gift of wisdom and a spirit of adventure that surpasses my own. Aaron brings to the group something that I have missed in my past men's group. Aaron can lead praise and worship like no one else I know.

Family
The oldest of my sisters (Sarah) just graduated from Western Illinois University. The ceremony was only 1.5 hours as opposed to mine which lasted 3.5 hours. I am glad to have her back in town. She will be working at the hospital in the HR department.

Lots to talk about from the weekend. Lets start with Saturday. Matt, Chris and I went to a co worker's house to help cut up a tree that had fallen in her yard. We had it done within an hour so Chris and I went out to the Delpra's for a couple hours to play paintball. I was 3/3 playing him one-on-one so we headed back to my house so I could do some homework.

We decided to go back out to the Depra's for more paintball, some hobo dinners, and a nice bonfire. Dan, Chris, and I played paintball while the food was on the fire. They were playing against me, but couldn't find me. After dusk they finally yelled for me to come in to eat. I figured they were going to ambush me once I started moving through the forest. But I assumed incorrectly.

We started with an ad lib Lord's Day celebration. We still need to get the words from someone. But Daniel Dobson, Me, Chris, Dan Delpra, and Matt had a great time. We ate all of the Hobo dinners and had a few beers and made the fire huge and just had some great fellowship.

Chris, Matt and I drove home and called Kurt to see what he was up to. We went down to Mulligan's pub to chill out with him and Missy and have a few beers. We walked back and Chris, Missy, Kurt, and I started cooking a pizza. Kurt left on his motorcycle and came back 10 minutes later screaming my name from outside. We went out to see what had happened. He was just all bloody and obviously hurting. A Dog had run out in front of him down the street and he dumped his bike trying to miss it. I rushed him to Sweeds praying over him as I drove. After MRIs and cleaning out his wounds it was 6am. A dentist had been paged to come in and temporarily cap his teeth and didn't want an audience so Chris and I left to go to Mass at 6:30 but they ended up not having it until 9am so we went back to our house to wait for Kurt to call to pick him up. They called after the dentist was done so we went and picked him up. Chris and I ended up sleeping all day Sunday and missing Mass. Long story short Kurt is one lucky guy with lots of road rash and some busted up teeth. God was looking out for him.

Having numerous issues with friends. Why are people so dumb? I can say that because I am one of them. I have learned a lot of the lessons life has to offer, and they were all learned the hard way and many times twice(I am a slow learner). My friends are going through the same things I did. Even me telling them that they will get burned won't change their minds. I know that I would not have listened either if I were in their shoes, because I didn't. It just kills me to watch because I know the hurt that is in store for them.

The only thing getting me through it all is God's grace. Prayer and the ear of a friend is all I have to offer now. Lets hope it is enough.

Not a whole lot going on. Well, I should say not a whole lot of exciting things going on. I started school again on Tuesday. It is nice to start a new class with a "fresh start", I think my attitude towards the end is kind of "blah...", mostly due to procrastination on one of the papers and it sets this standard throughout the rest of the class. It felt like I was on vacation over the past week even though I was still working at Sweeds. Weather sucked though so I didn't get any good fishing in.

Our household has been under major spiritual battles in the past few weeks. I was reminded by Steve that the devil does not kick a dead horse, so we must be doing something right. Either way I finally broke down and decided that we need some outside help with getting on track from experts in "the field of householding". The details need to be worked, but basically one or two guys from another branch of POP will be joining us for a while to get us on track. My initial resistance to this was spurned by the thoughts of how our situation seems more complex than SB or Dinkytown. First, problem we only have 3 to 5 guys at this point and we all work different shifts. Having a small number would seem at first glance less complicated, but it is actually more complicated. If one or two guys are not there the household consists of one person. Second problem is that the houses are owned and operated by myself and Dan. We both have different ideas on certain household rules and circumstances that cause conflict. Third, we have individuals who are not underway living in the houses. They may be thinking about going underway and do participate in all household activities, but the fact of the matter is they are not underway. In any case we have proven to ourselves over the past few months that we just can't do it on our own, so we will outsource.

I have kind of fallen out of the rhythm of school-run-work in the past week. I have found if I am not so busy that my head might fall off tend to get lazy, thus I have not been running with any consistency. Last night I gained two running partners though! Chris decided he wanted to start running. Steve(after reading Ultra marathon Man) wants to get into the habit of "10-mile Tuesdays" after the men's group meetings.

Sparked off a conversation with Steve, I think I might take a Certification program at RVC this fall in Basic Construction. We both agreed if we could do it all over again we would go to Architecture school. I am going to go hit up the library tomorrow to get a book on graphic design.

Steve, Trey, and I went up to Devil's Lake up in Wisconsin on Sunday. I had never been there before. It reminded me of Colorado. There were lots of boulders to hike around on. We did a little rock climbing, etc. It was some well needed headship. Steve and I get so busy that we tend to space our meetings over a month or two. Speaking of Steve, I will be picking up extra work as a driver for him over May and June to deliver plants for the greenhouse in Dundee, IL. It's a bi-weekly gig, so I figured what could it hurt?

Tried to get my taxes done at HR block today. I couldn't find my W2 for Walgreen's so I we have to wait until Friday for them to fax it. I am looking forward to my first big tax return. I think I will use it to pay off some student loans and some of my mortgage.

Wow, I guess I really am busy.

Ok. I have a little time now to write. That race yesterday was pretty cool. I was not sure what to expect due to the fact that I don't remember even watching a live race. I have been wanting to do a race quite badly since I started jogging a few months back and this was the weekend to do it. I would have prefered to start with something a little less intimidating but all that was available in close proximity to Rockford was the last race in a series of trail runs at Rock Cut and it was a 20k. I figured I would treat it like I had planned on treating my first race, a race against myself. I knew this would be a true test of my will to keep going, due to the fact I have only run more than 5 miles a total of times in my life. This is 12.4 miles on a muddy icy trail, but at least there is scenery along the way.

Pre-race:
I end up circling the park a bit, trying to find where the start of the race is and eventually I do find it. I got registered and my number, etc 30 minutes to the start of the race. Starting to get a nervous stomach and pee for the 10th time in the past 2 hours. I am looking around at all of the people running this and they all look to be in rediculous shape. The guy that parked next to me in the lot looks like he could run an Ultramarathon without a problem. I reassure myself that I can finish. I go back to my car to grab my waist pack and fill my water bottle with Gatoraide. Apply a bit of Aquaphor knowing that even though it is not a long race it might turn into one for me. I am sure most runners know what Aquaphor is but for everyone else, its for chaffing. I didn't think about bringing bandaids which I am regretting today(chaffing of the nips).

So with 5 minutes to the race start I head back to the registration area where the starting line is located. I meet a guy from Naperville who ran this race last year and was telling me about getting passed by old people while in the back of my mind I know I will be there in an hour or so. His name is Derik, he is in the National Guard. The thing I remember the most about him is the huge safety glasses he was wearing. I thought "how wierd", but not 2 minutes into the race I understood why he was wearing them. Can you say flying branches? While the pack of racers had not thinned out yet there were people crowding the trail, the people on the outside pushing branches out of the way and trying to dodge the ones from the people in front of them(me being one of those people). I told Derik that this was my first race ever and he said half laughing, "your kidding right, not even a 5k?" I knew I was going to be in for the pain from that moment on. What added salt to the wound was the next part of our conversation, about the hydration situation along the race. "Not much" was his answer. I thought: "note to self, buy a camelback"

Miles 1 - 4:
It seems that not only did Derik and I forget that the race was starting in a matter of seconds, as did the race official. The race started with everyone yelling "go... go... go..." and we were off. I kept up with Derik and the other guy we were talking to for perhaps an 1/8th of a mile before I forced myself to slow down a bit. I didn't want to burn myself out(it ended up not mattering later anyway). So miles 1 through 3 involved a lot of running on unfamiliar mountain bike trails, and an occasional word with those running by me. Occasionally a younger woman would run by and I would do my best to speed up to stay with her pace like I was some sort of wild animal that had something to prove. I guess running just brings out the beast in me. Either way, it kept one's mind off the run for 20 to 30 minutes. At mile 4 we crossed the main roads that goes into the park from IL-173. On the other side of the road a 5 gallon cooler is sitting on a picnic table with cups strewin all around it. When I got to the cooler it was empty! Well....I got about a 1/2 of a cupful of water. I felt like drinking 20 cups of water though. I continued through the area we were entering which happened to be an area that I had never been through. It was a prairie restoration area. I came upon the end of the field and the path went into a number of pine trees for around a 100 yards. The miles were just not going as fast as I thought they would. It felt like I was running 1 hour miles!

5-8

I came out of the woods onto another area that I did not recognise. It was another prairie in which I could see people around a 1/4 mile ahead running along the parimeter of the forest. This is the point where every 10 minutes I would get really bogged down mentally. I forced myself to smile and look around a bit and comment how beautiful it was out and how lucky I was to be doing this. The good feelings stayed for a little while, then I would get bogged down again. And I would repeat the process. We kind of turned back into the woods and I noticed that I had not seen any of the trail markers(pink pie plates attached to wooden stakes with arrows on them) in the past 10 minutes. I hear a "HELLO?!?" ahead. A woman that looked to be in her mid 30's was standing on the trail and seemed to notice that there was a lack of pie plates as well. I figured we should keep going either way. A few others caught up to us(at least I heard them). We came around a bend in the trail and there was a nice 3' muddy hill to get up. I was coming up behind the same woman that thought we were lost and I was going to help her but she looked like an independant woman and she did it herself before I could even offer to help. I came up on mile 7 and I had been out of Gatoraide for the past 2 miles. I wasn't particularly thirsty(which I knew was a bad sign), and the signs of dehydration started immediately after I thought of water. My inner quads were starting to cramp a bit and I knew it would soon get worse. I remember the horror of a trip to Colorado and getting cramps in my legs so bad that I collapsed on the trail 100 yards from camp and couldn't move for 30 minutes. I figured I should keep moving because either I want to get as close to a road as possible or maybe I can run the cramps out. I grabbed a granola bar from my pack and tried to eat it dry mouthed while running. I don't know how people like Dean K. can do things like eat pizza and drink coffee while running.

8-12.4

The granola bar boosted my energy at mile 8, but I was having to stop every 10 minutes to massage out the cramps in my legs and calves. I was back in the woods running and a woman in her mid-40's was running towards me on the old logging road that the trail was crossing. She stated that she was using the bathroom. She was telling me about the club that put the race on The Rockford Road Runners and how they are a crazy bunch of people. I told her that I would definately fit in then. We had a little more small talk for about a 1/2 a mile, but I knew that I was slowing her down and she eventually did get past me. I felt like I was in a dream with lots and lots of pain. An older fellow came up behind me. He had an British accent. He stated that he got lost and had actually ran an extra 1.5 miles. I had to stop and walk because of cramps again and they were actually getting worse each time I stopped running it hurt worse so I was down to a hobble. I ended up passing the British guy 10 minutes later(the only person I actually passed in the whole race). I was in familiar area now. Very hilly and very fun on a MTB, not so much on foot. I came around a corner to a very steep hill with a thick climbing rope attached to a tree at the top. With 1 mile left I knew that even if I had to walk I would make it across that finish line. With 500 yards left in the race the guy parked next to me in the lot came up behind me and asked if I wanted to do it again. I remarked "yeah, lets take another lap" the last leg was up a hill and I sprinted to beat the guy whom I thought was one of those crazy people that could run the whole course in less than 2 hours. I did end up beating him as well as quite a few others. Final time 2:59:30. Not good, but at least it is not a DNF.

Post race:

A bit of chili and a little stretching and I head back to the truch to guzzle down 2 litters of Gatoraide. In the end would I do it again? Oh yes....

I ran my first race today. It was the last race in the Rock Cut Trail series. I didn't know what to expect or if I could even finish the race. It was a 20k trail race. I knew it would be tough, as I had not run that far before in my life. It truly would be a test of will to finish. I didn't expect the trails to be as muddy as they were. Logan, Kurt, and I had just been mountain biking out there on Tuesday and it was mostly snow and ice which equalled not fun with street slicks on the bike. By the way I bent the frame on my bike that day(somehow) and will have to purchase a new one soon.

I would love to go into detail about the race, maybe at a later time though. I am just too exhausted to talk about it. Plus, I should get back to work.

Tony Delpra had a good word today at the POP meeting.

Cast your bread upon the waters,
for after many days you will find it again.
2 Give portions to seven, yes to eight,
for you do not know what disaster may come upon the land.
3 If clouds are full of water,
they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
in the place where it falls, there will it lie.
4 Whoever watches the wind will not plant;
whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.
5 As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formed [a] in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things.
6 Sow your seed in the morning,
and at evening let not your hands be idle,
for you do not know which will succeed,
whether this or that,
or whether both will do equally well.

-Ecclesiastes 11: 1-6

This really spoke to me today. I went confession yesterday and one of the big issues that I have found is dealing with an individual that seems extremely distraught over the recent problems with the Catholic Church and the War in Iraq, and every other thing that is going on in the world. I want to defend the Church but do not want to go about it in the wrong way. I have found myself mostly listening to what the person has to say and trying to understand where he is coming from. It is hard to have conversations with him because he is so negative about everything, which can in a sense transfer to me in which I start to get negative.

Where the scripture comes in is great. "Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where it falls, there will it lie." Awesome. What great imagery. It means don't worry about the things you cannot control, or your moment to be what you were created for may pass you by. Letting things that you can't control or do anything about pulls you away from reality in the here and now. The war in Iraq, Church scandals, world hunger, etc... You can't do a damn thing about them besides keep your own life right by praying and doing good when the opportunity knocks (or even looking for opportunities). If you waste your time being consumed by all of the tragedies and unfairness all you are doing is adding to it by not doing your own part, which makes you just as bad.

One mistake by and individual or even years worth of going down the wrong path then eventually finding your way back to God and seeking forgiveness is infinately better than a whole life spent upset and doing nothing but complain about how bad things are in the world.

I just finished a book that is now one of my favorites. The title of the book is "Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an all-night runner" by Dean Karnazes. The book is an autobiography of this guy who runs ultramarathons (100 mile marathons). Throughout much of the book I found parallels of why he runs. He does runs these remarkable distances and one of the reasons is because he wants to see if he can. He doesn't do these things to compete with other people, it is a competition against his own mind and body. I see many of the things I do much like this. I keep piling up more and more work, school, and stress to see how far I can push it.

Another part of my life that has been missing is adventure. I think that is another huge motivator that has kept me running. Just getting out of the house and running around town a little bit keeps life interesting. It gives me time to clear my head and many times think about everything. I even pray at times(not just that I get to the top of the next hill).

On another note, I had started to run again to get back into shape, bring some adventure into my life, and challenge myself. This book was a good motivator to make me keep up with it.

I have never been one of those individuals that follows what is going on in Hollywood. Whenever some starts talking about what is going on in one of the celebrities lives I often respond to them, "I don't know this person, never will, so why should I care?" Being a celebrity, wanting to be a celebrity, and following celebrity gossip seems very depressing to me. I bring all of this up because someone told me that Brittany Spears shaved her head a couple days ago. Now I remember a few years back when there were a lot of parents worried about the influence she had on their daughters. There was a lot of concern over pre-teens and teens a like dressing immodestly. I actually saw some of this going on, and thought where are these girl's parents? I looked at an article of what happened Britney Spears Back in Rehab, which also goes into the other things going on in her life. I think that now is the best time to show the pre-teen and teen girls Brittany Spears. Not for gossip, but for a warning of where bad choices can get you. Money and Celebrity cannot save you from the types of problems that everyone else deals with. This beautiful girl had what society says we should want; money, power, being "somebody", etc. And now she is in the middle of a horrible divorce(with 2 kids in the middle of it all), a shaved head, in rehab(again), and her career is over. So I think it would be a good idea to show our young people that LIFE IS REAL, even for those who we think are untouchable.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I fell asleep for an hour or so but had a dream about what it means to be a man. I know how my mind got on that subject, I just don't know why I couldn't get it off my mind. Chris and I were talking about what it means to be a man, in specific earning one's keep. Also, finding purpose in life. I finally gave up fighting the thoughts so I mentally compiled a list.

1. A man defends those weaker than them.
2. A man set a good example for those younger than them.
3. A man respects women at all times.
4. A man makes sacrifices for his family.
5. A man leads his family in the right direction.
6. A man works for his keep. He finds purpose for his life.
7. A man seeks wisdom from his elders.
8. A man looks people in the eye when he is talking to them.
9. A man uses self control when making decisions.
10. A man knows his limits. He respects his limits, by admitting them.
11. A man apologizes when he wrongs another. He admits when he is wrong.
12. A man shows courage under adversity.

I am sure I could think of more. Anyone have anything to add?

The Sprit of Wrath was on me today. I don't want to give the specific example of why I know this, but in a few situations I was focusing on other's faults and comparing my own life to them. Well I guess I can use this as an example because this is where it all started. For school today I was participating in a discusion over the Medicaid/Medicare(federal/state medical programs) problem, and how to resolve it. As a pseudo-ex-retail pharmacy technician I see all kinds of abuse of the Medicaid system. Individuals who are able to work, but choose not to because they can get a free ride on the State is the easiest example. It is too easy to get bothered by these type of situations, but with God's grace I was soon able to look past it and get on with life while I was working with these people. I don't want to give the impression that every person that is on Medicare/Medicaid is abusing it either. Most individuals (95%) really need it.

It is funny how I can get off into the thinking about how other's need to be doing this or that. I know that everyone does it, but that doesn't really help me realize what I am doing is wrong. I find it especially easy to get into this line of thought and even speech at work. Much of this can be easily seen by these two paraphrases: 1) "Take the plank out of your own eye before you attempt removing the splinter out of your neighbor's." 2) "Don't judge a man until you have walked in his shoes for a day."

So anyway, back to the Spirit of Wrath. I asked God in my prayer time today to cast this spirit back to hell and it is gone. Afterwards opened up the bible to psalm 103 and read versus 1-5. I think it meshes well with what I need to do after refocusing back to God and what he wants from me.

I had a busy day today. I got home at 7:30am and fell asleep at 8am. I woke up for a meeting with the people in my Learning Team from school to finish up a project that is due on Monday. I wasn't much of a help(I was groggy). We finished up the meeting at 12pm and I tried to go back to sleep for another hour. I woke up again at 1:45pm and drove Matt and I over to the Luther Center where we helped a coworker move her aunt's furniture to a different floor of the building. I was glad to be able to serve someone for a change, rather than serving myself.

After Matt and I were done at the Luther Center we drove over to St. Pete's to go to confession. An interesting thing was mentioned by the priest. I told him about how we were starting a christian men's household and how we were running into problems that seemed to get in the way an awful lot. The priest said that we were definitely under spiritual attack which is to be expected when people try to create good things like a men's household. We will have to discuss this during our next meeting(hopefully on Monday).

Matt I went over to CJ and Amy's for dinner. It was nice to catch up with them and get a well balanced meal in. After the meal other people from the POP started to show up for the adult meeting. I mentioned the Montana trip to some of the other people in the branch and it looks like they would be interested. woo hoo!

Back on thirds for the weekend.

I came to the realization today that I am not where I want to be spiritually. It really is crazy the way that I get all excited and into my prayer life then gradually stop. I finally realize that I am off the path after a month or so and repeat the process. I think the flaw that keeps me in this cycle is everything else in my life is very much the same. With school, I will be into it for the first 3 weeks and then just become lazy the the next 2, then play catchup on the last. Weird. Anyways, I am going to have to figure out a way to combat this mentality if I am going to change.

I have decided to start investing more of my money. I tend to spend frivolously at times, so making my money less accessible will help me combat this. I am trying out some EFT's for the first year or two I think, the rest I will keep in a money market account. I think I will burn my plans for buying another house for a couple years due to how bad the housing market is at this point. I read in two different articles that 1. the housing market hit it's peak. and 2. you can get a lot more back on your investment investing in the market than investing in property right now. Plus, I find investing to be kind of fun in a stress outlet sort of way.

My health care organization's class is wrapping up this Monday! I can't wait to get into a different class. This one was starting to get on my nerves. I liked the people I was working with, but there was a lot of work and some of it involved PowerPoint presentations(yuck!).

Back on thirds for the weekend.

I came to the realization today that I am not where I want to be spiritually. It really is crazy the way that I get all excited and into my prayer life then gradually stop. I finally realize that I am off the path after a month or so and repeat the process. I think the flaw that keeps me in this cycle is everything else in my life is very much the same. With school, I will be into it for the first 3 weeks and then just become lazy the the next 2, then play catchup on the last. Weird. Anyways, I am going to have to figure out a way to combat this mentality if I am going to change.

I have decided to start investing more of my money. I tend to spend frivolously at times, so making my money less accessible will help me combat this. I am trying out some EFT's for the first year or two I think, the rest I will keep in a money market account. I think I will burn my plans for buying another house for a couple years due to how bad the housing market is at this point. I read in two different articles that 1. the housing market hit it's peak. and 2. you can get a lot more back on your investment investing in the market than investing in property right now. Plus, I find investing to be kind of fun in a stress outlet sort of way.

My health care organization's class is wrapping up this Monday! I can't wait to get into a different class. This one was starting to get on my nerves. I liked the people I was working with, but there was a lot of work and some of it involved PowerPoint presentations(yuck!).

I was reminded about the trip to Glacier National Park this week, so I figured I should start a post about it. The only person that is positive that he can go as of today is me. We have a list of possibles Justin W., Eric J., Matt D., Sarah B., Greg W. and some of Justin's friends from South Bend. I am not sure Justin can go anymore due to getting a new job a month ago. We will have to see. I was able to pull enough strings to get out of school and work over June 29th to July 10th which was a complete miracle. If no one is able to go, I will do the trip myself, because I am not going to waste my only vacation time sitting around Rockford.

My initial plan was to split the trip up into 2 smaller trips in different parts of the park, but I have changed my mind. I would like to check out Lake Isabel. It considered a really strenuous hike. It is 30 miles total, 4000 feet of elevation gain, a mile of switchbacks, etc.

Here are a few links.
http://hikerchef.blogspot.com/2006/06/glacier-hiking.html
http://www.nps.gov/glac/index.htm
http://gorp.away.com/gorp/resource/us_national_park/mt/hik_gla4.htm

More to come later.

It feels like there is too much to mention right now, so I will just go down the mental list I have right now.

The household had a well needed meeting last week. The three of us determined that we are not living up to the standards we need to in relation to what we want the household to represent. We all had little peeves with each other that we were not talking about, so we finally got to get those out in the open and taken care of. One of the biggest issues that we talked about was the fact that we are not doing anything to build our friendships. Much of the time spent is in front of the TV so we all unanimously decided to get rid of the cable. The thing is, since we made the decision to get rid of the cable I have barely had time to use it or cancel it. Which brings me onto the next subject...

I have been working nights for the past 2 weeks. I can't complain too much about it, because I like it. The only part that I don't like is the lack of sleep. On days I work I tend to sleep 3 to 4 hours so on the 3rd and 4th day I work I am a zombie. I blew up at Chris and Matt this morning because the lack of sleep is making me cranky. I got out of work late this morning due to a delta result on a baby's hemogram which ended up being an analytical error on the part of whoever ran the specimen a few days ago. In layman's terms, the results I was getting today did not correspond to the results from 2 days ago. So I finally got into bed at 815AM and had just fallen asleep when my phone rings. It is Carl, and his truck is stuck in some one's driveway(I don't want to get into that story), and he wants to know if I have a chain that he can use to pull him out. YARRRRR!!!!! ERIC NEED SLEEPP!!! It is one of those situations where you really really really don't want to, but you know that it is what God wants you to do. So I got dressed and drive down to 4th st. and get to where he is and his rear wheels have dug deep into the ground where his truck is at. So I jump in and back it up an couple inches and gun it out of the divots! Thank Jesus it only took 10 minutes to get him out.

So 9:30AM I am setting my alarm for 11:30am so that I can make it to 12:30 mass so I don't miss any of the Superbowl later. Ahh...sleep... Then the alarm goes off at 11:30am and I decide that 2 hours just won't cut it. So I change it to 2pm. Then 5 minutes after this I hear the shop vac going in the living room! It is going for like 10 minutes then goes off. I fall asleep then 5 minutes later music comes on! So I get up get dressed and declare my dislike of their choice of activities with some choice words, which by the way I should probably apologize for the way I described my displeasure. So I get up later on and try to go to Mass at 5pm (after the game has already started), once again another sacrifice that I really don't want to make. I come to find out it is canceled, so I go to the party.

The major reason for loss of sleep other than work would have to be school. This Heath care organizations class started out easy, but now it getting rough at the end. I did a 17 page paper last week and have another 7 page paper and 25 slide presentation due today which I am no where near finishing. I originally picked up this MHA degree program because of all the excess time I was wasting, now I am begging for an hour to just relax. I can't even find time to run.

On the subject of running, my dad wanted to sign up for the Indy mini-marathon. I agreed that I would like to do it as well since I just started to get back into running to help me quit smoking(2 weeks, 0 cigarettes so far). I am getting to where I need to be to start training for a 5k, but have to find the time to do the training first.

How is that for an update?

I have been neglecting to update my blog again. I am working 3rd shift again (9pm to 7:30am). I got 4 hours of sleep yesterday in between shifts. I can't wait until I am done this morning. I think I could sleep a good 10 to 12 hours. I applied for a day shift position that came open a couple weeks ago and I am praying that I get it.

I got a message on Myspace the other day from a very unexpected person. She is an ex-girlfriend with whom I lost touch with for a good 5 years. Nothing really to talk about, just how you doing whats new with your life type of stuff.

School is getting a little rough. My learning team meets biweekly on yahoo messenger and plans our assignments. These people are at least 10 years older than I, and many of the subjects they are talking about when referring to Health care makes my head spin. Meh, I guess I will survive.

Well, back to work.

I have heard many people talk about it, even some songs about it. I am talking about moving away from God. It is so stupid too, I see myself doing it and I don't make the effort to get back on track until finally when life gets really bad I do something about it. The main problem I have is not having a daily prayer time. It is sad because it only take 15 to 30 minutes.

It's been a while since I gave any updates. Lots of stuff going on lately. Kurt has been home for the past few weeks. We have been partying too much. I can tell that I have been going back down the wrong road again, so I am going to work at getting back to where I was last month.

More to come soon, I need to get back to work!